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The Narcissistic Model of this is: ‘I will tell you what you want to hear so that I continue doing what I do, or give you enough, at times, so that I can keep you hooked and manipulate you for my own agenda.’ The results of this are abuse, power plays, unhealthy dependencies and control.The solution is to heal ourselves enough so that we can live aligned with our true values.Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert.She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program.Let’s look at the ways that we can seek validation from others, how narcissists do this also, and the results, and how to release ourselves from it. I really love this expression, ‘If we try not to upset everyone else, we will only upset ourselves.’ The Co-dependent Model of trying to please others to be loved is this: ‘If I give you enough of what you want, then you will grant me the love, approval, survival or security that will help me feel whole.’ The results of this are you are feeling emptied out, taken advantage of and not respected.It doesn’t bring the love, approval, survival and security you wish to achieve, and can even be a recipe for staying attached to abuse.With self-awareness and dedication to our inner work, we can move up and out of these trajectories of toxic relationships by healing and changing ourselves.Being freed from the need for validation is one of the most empowering things we can ever achieve, in order to have healthy relationships with ourselves, others and Life, and I can’t wait to share with you why!
It means allowing others to become empowered by doing for themselves rather than keeping them enabled to stay sick, dysfunctional, powerless and able to mine other people.
It means that we stop handing power away to people so that they will like us, and start generating healthy relationships with other adults of shared power instead.
It also means addressing the compulsion inside you to fix and give to unhealthy others in order to be loved.
Module 6 in NARP is very powerful to get these specific Inner Identity shifts achieved.
In this social-media age, it can be very alluring for people, when they feel empty on the inside, to try to get compliments and attention from others in order to feel worthy and whole.